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A Tale of Oats and Memes
Overview 'A Tale of Oats and Memes' is the very first entry into the Cinematic Memes Multiverse. The film follows a young, hopeless romantic named Skitz and his journey to save a girl he had just met from the evil kingpin and local asshole, Brad the Destroyer, and his evil magical sidekick, Waldo the Wizard. Plot In the year 636 in the Oat Realm, Skitz and his good friend, Tlabyt, sit side-by-side in the town square of their small village. Starving, Skitz hands his friend 10€, and requests that he go purchase some oats from the local oat vendor. Tlabyt complies, and then they both dig into the oats. Suddenly, Skitz notices someone whom he had never seen before. She was Karliah, the Duchess of Louisiana, and she was the most beautiful lady Skitz had ever seen. Skitz immediately gets up and runs toward the lady to try and talk to her. However, before he could reach her, she is kidnapped by Brad the Destroyer. Skitz notices that she had dropped her necklace when she was taken, and vows to save her and win her heart. Tlabyt believes Skitz has gone mad and refuses to along with Skitz on his journey. Skitz, understanding this, ventures off alone to save the Duchess, taking with him his father's old lightsaber. Hours later, Skitz walks to a nearby creek to get himself a drink. While staring off into the water, Skitz begins to introspect and rethinks his actions. This, however, is short-lived, as he is startled by the presence of the great and powerful, Zula the Voodoo God. Skitz cautiously ignites his lightsaber, but Zula pays no mind. Zula then explains to Skitz that it is her duty to help desperate lovers reach their happily ever after, and then bestows upon Skitz a powerful crystal, which she says will assist him in his journey to save the princess and defeat Brad. Unfortunately, Zula's time with Skitz was limited due to bad cell reception in the 12th dimension, causing her to fade from the realm. This leaves a confused Skitz, who has no knowledge of the use and capabilities of this mighty crystal. Soon, Skitz realizes he is not alone, and comes face-to-face with a savage forest creature, who desires the crystal. Skitz easily slays the creature, but damaging his father's sword in the process. Meanwhile, Brad's partner-in-crime, Waldo the Wizard looks through his crystal ball and watches Zula and Skitz working together. Waldo, already having a rivalry with Zula spanning several centuries, is alarmed and informs Brad. Brad commands Deranged Lunatic, one of his eccentric goons, to go deep into the woods to summon Zula. So, Deranged lunatic ventures into the woods and begins the ritual. The lunatic places his iPhone 5c on a nearby stone, and proceeds to play LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem" to summon the Voodoo God. And surely enough, when the bass drops, Zula appears and begins dancing along. The lunatic also takes part in the dancing, but soon the party stops when Zula those the phone into the woods and refers to the music as "trash" (not to be confused with the anti-CIN hacktivist). The Deranged Lunatic reveals to Zula that Brad the Destroyer and company are aware of his movements and know that he has given aid to Skitz. Zula, being a Voodoo God, knows this already, and after some failed negotiations, she uses her magical powers to destroy the crazed henchman. At the same time, Brad reveals to Karliah his plan to use her as ransom in order to become the wealthiest man in the realm. After Karliah resists Brad, kicking him in the testicles, Waldo comes in and puts her under a magical spell, putting her to sleep. Eventually, Skitz comes across the headquarters of Brad and Waldo, but is immediately met by Waldo's blade. The two spar, but Skitz is highly outmatched. However, the duel is interrupted by a magical blast, and Zula arriving to the scene. Zula and Waldo engage in some quality banter, and Waldo threatens to banish Zula back to the 12th dimension, as he did centuries before. However, Zula is willing to take this chance, and the two engage in a fiery magical duel. During the duel, Zula tells Skitz to go on without her and tells him to save his lady. When Skitz enters the house, he immediately sees Brad and chases after him. The two engage in a brief duel, but Skitz, with the help of the Camera Man, strikes Brad over the head with a metal bat, ending him. Skitz's victory is short-lived, as Waldo enters, revealing that Zula has been taken care of. Skitz, devastated, draws the magical crystal and throws it at Waldo. The crystal explodes in Waldo's face, and drops him to his knees, but this only angers Waldo. He then releases torrents of lightning at Skitz, and tortures the boy, until Tlabyt arrives, shooting Waldo through the back with an assault rifle. Skitz thanks Tlabyt for saving his life, and the two rekindle their friendship. Skitz then heads up and finds Karliah, still under the sleep spell. Skitz, believing she was already dead, thought he had wasted his journey on nothing and stabs himself through the stomach. Karliah then wakes up, and is shocked at what Skitz had done. Skitz then reveals to her all the hardships he had done through to rescue her, and he returns the necklace to her. He confesses his love for her, and the two exchange a kiss. Skitz dies from his wounds, and a distraught Karliah slits her throat. Tlabyt then walks in, discovering the two, and asks why the camera man is still here, telling him to go home. The camera man complies and walks, iPad in hand, into the night. Cast Ashton as Skitz Xander as Zula the Voodoo God Destiny as Waldo the Wizard Destiny as Brad the Destroyer Xander as Tlabyt Xander as Karliah Ashton as Deranged Lunatic Xander as Forest Creature Xander as Camera Man Release 'A Tale of Oats and Memes' was released on January 20, 2017 to a select high school classroom, but was officially released to the Cinematic Memes Incorporated YouTube channel on March 29, 2017. As of June 2017, the film has over 50 views. Sequel After the release and "positive" reception of the first Oats and Memes, the Cinematic Memes Incorporated duo began writing a script for a sequel. After several rewrites and film scheduling issues, Oats and Memes II: Escape From the Rice Fields was finally released on June 5, 2017.